September 23, 2010

Blessed, lucky… still in disbelief

Sometimes I sit back and wonder how Matt and I are so lucky to have been chosen to carry and take care of this precious little girl in my belly. I am constantly amazed by the magnitude of carrying a child in my stomach. Each morning between 6:30am-7am when my alarm is going off every 5 minutes but I’m refusing to get out of bed yet, our little girl goes CRAZY! She (from what I can tell) kicks, flips, and jabs until her little heart is content, or until I actually get my butt out of bed and get in the shower, and then she’s back to being asleep/quiet for the next 12 hours. And every morning as our little routine begins, and I get a quick hard kick, I giggle. Just me, our precious babe, and maybe a cat or two are in the room, and yet I laugh out loud as if the room were full of people.

You see, I LOVE this little girl, and I LOVE that she is strong enough to nail me a good one at 6:30 in the morning. I laugh partly because a few minutes before I get jabbed, I’m still too groggy to even remember that I’m pregnant, guess she just wants to remind me. Most days I hardly even notice that I finally have a belly that’s sticking out in a “pregnant position”. Most days I just feel like my normal old self, which as the doctors tell me is great, because you don’t want to “feel pregnant”. Because when you “feel pregnant” it means you are probably waddling, uncomfortable, or plain miserable. I guess I’m not sure if I’ll ever get to that point because I love every second so far, I know, laugh at me now. Those of you who have been pregnant I’m sure are thinking to your selves; just wait, you’ll get so big that you’ll feel pregnant 24 hours a day.

I don’t know if these are all normal “pregnancy feelings”, or if they are a direct result of infertility. Either way I just feel so incredibly lucky to be where we are right now. I hate to dwell on the past, but I can certainly remember days when we would leave a doctors office and all I wanted to do was cry the entire way home. I cried mostly because I wondered if we would EVER get the opportunity to carry a child, feel a baby kick inside my belly, or experience bringing a brand new baby home from the hospital.

I don’t ever want to take this experience for granted. There are so many friends that are still in the spot that we once were not too long ago… wondering IF these things will ever happen to them. I think about you guys all the time. I hope and pray that you too will one day experience the remarkable feeling of being pregnant.

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