April 8, 2010
A nervous buzz
Today I feel a nervous buzz in my stomach (I know, I JUST wrote about what amazing peace I have been feeling, apparently I shouldn't have said that, because it has greatly diminished today), and thoughts race through my head today as fast as the bee can fly that's buzzing in my stomach.
Is this the one? How will I feel if I am pregnant? Will I get to feel that joy that a "normal" pregnancy has? Are we ready for the choices and decisions that come with IVF? Will I have to tell my parents that once again, they aren't going to be grandparents yet? How many babies can we afford? Will I be sick? Oh the thoughts...
On a somewhat separate note, I've had lots of people ask me if we are going to share the news when we find out on Monday. I'd love to have a normal pregnancy, tell our parents and close friends right away, and hide our big secret until 12 weeks... but I just can't justify that.
Why, you might ask. Well for one thing, you all (family, friends, and online friends) have been with Matt and I on this journey for a long time. Many of you have prayed abundantly for us this cycle, and cycles in the past. How could I shut you out now?
Another reason, hold on- this is going to get selfish. I need your continued support and prayers. If we find out that we are in fact pregnant, I'm going to need oodles of prayers that things will go well and that we have healthy babies (yes, I just used a plural). We are at an incredibly high risk for another miscarriage because of my PCOS and also because of the MTHFR gene that I have. So more than anything, I need you guys. And, if we find out that this wasn't our month and we'll be going onto IVF, I'll still need your prayers, for peace, comfort and strength to go on.
So yes, friends, you will find out right along with us.