Ok... so I must confess. We knew about a week ago that we were pregnant. We were extatic, thrilled, amazed! That was a week ago; today, our feelings are different. We had decided not to share the news on here yet b/c we knew that I was going to have a "high risk" pregnancy and we didn't want everyone to be so excited with us, and then have to feel what we've felt in the last 3 days.
I went for bloodwork Friday, everything looked ok, a bit low, but ok. I went back on Monday for bloodwork, my numbers had trippled, things were looking good, still a bit low, but trippeling which was amazing. I then went back on Wednesday, my numbers had dropped 5.... uh oh, something wasn't right. Today's results confirmed our worst fears, we have lost the baby.
I am surprisingly doing ok. I had basically delt with the fact that we were going to have a miscarriage after Wednesday's results. I really would be thrilled if I didn't ever again find myself laying in Matt's arms, while we both cry about the loss of our tiny, precious, baby King. Or trying to control my tears in between working with students, dodging my principal, or avoiding red, teary-eye contact with my coworkers. It may rank up there with one of the worst 24 hours of my life.
To make it worse we had just told our moms that we were pregnant. I have some of the most amazing pictures of my mom right as we told her. She was crying so hard she could barely open her eyes... I don't think I'm quite ready to look at those pictures again so I won't be posting them.
We hadn't even shared the info with our Dad's yet, our grandparents, or even my best friends! I couldn't wait to tell my dad! We had just bought baby golf clubs to put on his cart on Saturday during a golf tournament that we're all playing in. But my dad did find out... in fact my dad showed up minutes after I got the phone call from our nurse. What a God awful way to tell your dad that you are pregnant; bawling your eyes out as he comes to the front door because you are now going through a miscarriage.
I hope everyone understands why we didn't share this info a week ago. I share this now because I know there are lots of women dealing with loss while facing the challenges of infertility that could relate to my story, and frankly, I think it's healing to let it all out.
We don't know the plan yet as far as when we can start trying again. I will go for bloodwork again next Friday to make sure that all of my pregnancy hormones are back to 0, and then we'll wait to hear from our doctor when we can begin injections again. I'm hoping it's sooner than later so that this healing process can move along. A small part of me is thrilled. Thrilled to know that we CAN get pregnant. That the pain of all of the shots and invasive ultrasounds CAN be worth it, but it still doesn't take away the sting of losing our first baby, even if he had only been a part of us for 5 weeks.
Thank you to all of you who have been praying for us, we really do appreciate it. We know God has a plan for us, we're trying to be faithful and patient for his timing, but it's still tough.