August 12, 2009


Thank you so much for the great questions! Matt and I have answered the questions below, I know I said I would post these Thursday but I am going to be out of town. Enjoy!

Bold= Bailey

Italicized = Matt

1. If you end up with twins and could choose the sex of the twins, what would you want?

To be perfectly honest, and this will seem cliché, I don’t care as long as they are both healthy. Too often twins end up in the NICU and I would love to avoid that. =) If I really had to choose I think a boy and a girl would be really fun. Matt has cousins that are twins, a boy and a girl, and I think they have an awesome relationship.

Matt - I would love to have 2 boys just because I think they would have fun in sports together. I would also like a boy and a girl because then you get to deal with both worlds at the same time and maybe the brother will watch out for his sister a little bit. I would take 2 girls, but I can just see them shopping with Bailey....that just can't be good news!

2. How many kids would you like to have, in total?

I would love 3-4, but it also depends on how many come each time. =)

Matt - I want to have 2 or 3 kids, possibly 4 if Bailey can talk me into it later. If we do end up with twins I would want to have 3 kids, otherwise I would like to at least like to bring a baby(ies) home 2 times.

3.How do you feel about selective reduction?

Selective reduction: Couples who are expecting three or more babies may wish, or be advised, to consider reducing the number of viable fetuses to two. The reduction procedure is usually performed between the 10th and 12th weeks of pregnancy by injecting one or more of the fetuses. Fetal reduction increases the chance of a mother having one or two healthy babies instead of a miscarriage or very premature delivery of three or more babies who are much more likely to die or to suffer from long-term disability. (

For us, this isn’t something that we would do. I known doctors have to look at the safety side of having multiples, but if that’s what God gives us, we’ll take it and run with it.

Matt - I would not use selective reduction. I personally don't feel that is right for us. Especially with the issues we have been dealing with, I am not going to reduce one because there are "too many." I think things happen for a reason (right Bailey) and we would live with whatever happened.

4. How long does it take after the IUI before you know if you are pregnant since the sperm doesn't have to travel through the fallopian tubes?

For clarification, the sperm do still have to travel through the fallopian tubes. The IUI simply bypasses them having to travel through the cervix, up to the uterus. The sperm get deposited in the uterus, then they still have to travel into the fallopian tubes to fertilize the egg(s).

We “should” be able to take a test at home about 2 weeks after the IUI. We would then go in for bloodwork the next week to confirm if we were pregnant. However, we won’t be telling anyone (yes, even you mom =) until we see the heartbeat(s) which is at 6 weeks, and then we’ll probably hold off telling others for awhile after that to get out of the “worrisome” weeks. This is our personal decision for many reasons. I have Crohn’s disease and PCOS (polycystic ovarian syndrome) BOTH of which have higher miscarriage rates associated with them, and we don’t want to put ourselves through all that comes with telling people and then having a miscarriage, God forbid that would happen.

5. Do you collect the sperm sample at home or the hospital?? If at the hospital, are there 'naughty' things in the room to get the process going??

Because we are within 25 minutes of our clinic we have the option of collecting at home, which is obviously a bit less uncomfortable. =) I do have friends that have to do it at the clinic and yes, they said there is “naughty stuff” in the rooms.

6.How long have you guys been "trying" before you went into the doctor to see what was wrong?

We had been trying a little over two months before we went to talk with my dr. The reason we went so quickly was that it had been over 100 days since my last cycle, so we were obviously concerned for my health, not just conceiving.

7.This is weird question but the picture of you laying back is it to help you?

Yup, laying back helps gravity do it’s thing a little bit better.

8.Have you ever thought of a surrogate mother or adoption?
I am not trying to be nosy but I guess I have never known someone that has fertility problems.

I have never thought about a surrogate mother. I have thought briefly about adoption, but we haven’t had that whole discussion yet. We are still in the beginning of our treatment options so we have several things left to try before we “need” to have those discussions. I have always felt that God would pull us towards when the time is right, and we haven’t felt that yet.

Matt - I have never thought about using a surrogate mother. I would love to adopt if we can't have children on our own, maybe even if we do have children.

9. What would you do if you were blessed with multiples?

I think what everyone would do, be thankful and learn to adapt… quickly! =) I absolutely understand that multiples mean a ton more work, money, and time, however, I know that we would be just fine if that’s what we’re given.

Matt - Live the dream! I would also tell Bailey that when she pulls the goalie and the team scores, she is supposed to put the goalie back in the game before they go down and score again.

10.What questions did you feel were vital to ask at your first fertility appointment?

I had done quite a bit of research before our appointment and I was fairly certain that I did have PCOS, so I asked a lot of questions about the diagnosis process, etc. I also asked what our dr. thought the probability was of us being able to conceive if I did have PCOS. I also asked if there was anything that I could be doing to help all of the nasty symptoms that I was having from the PCOS.

Matt - Asking Bailey where I should sit if they do an exam (which I didn’t do… but we have a funny story because of it). Also, what the process is going to be moving forward including what happens if certain steps in the process fail.

11.Were there things that you learned along the way that you wish you had known sooner?

Hmmm… this was the only one that stumped me. =) Although I think optimism is key, I guess I wish I would have known that there were going to be medicines that did nothing for me, and that this would be quite a process. I think having a realistic idea of that, would have prevented a lot of tears and heartache. I had had so many friends that Clomid helped them conceive in their first month that I was under the impression it would do the same for me, so when it did nothing I was devastated. I also think a key to this process, at least for me, is being super informed! I have to know everything about every possibility that may be coming down the road for us. I read a ton online and in books to help me know what we were up against, and what some of our treatment options would be. Every time we went for an appointment and the dr would mention a medicine, I already knew everything about it that I felt I needed to, the side effects, how to take it, etc. This has helped me a lot! I have always felt somewhat in control of my body and what was going on, the not knowing is what makes me get very anxious!

Matt - Not that I can think of. What I have learned has been part of the process and I don't think knowing much of that information sooner would have helped the situation we were in.

12.How much do those drugs cost?

I should start by saying that I am VERY lucky, and definitely in the minority, because I do have a certain amount of infertility coverage. (**amount in parenthesis is what I think I remember it said if I did not use insurance).

Clomid – It was relatively inexpensive, I think around $30 a month that was without using my insurance.

Femara - $15 ($120)

HCG Trigger shot - $25 ($75)

Repronex injections - $25 ($300)

On top of the medicines I then have 2-3 ultrasound per month (which are pretty pricey) and then bloodwork and dr’s visits. I definitely won’t complain because I am one of the few who has infertility coverage, and if we do end up doing in vitro it will be closer to $15,000 to $20,000.

13.Are the drugs available at any pharmacy or do you have to get them somewhere special?

A lot of the people I know order their medicines from online pharmacies to save money, but since I do have coverage I get them from a local pharmacy. There is only one that carries the injectible medicines, otherwise I get the other meds at the closest pharmacy.

14. I was just wondering, if you first child is a boy, will you still name it Keri, or only if it is a girl?

To my lovely sister (Keri),

After several hours of negotiations with Matt (and Dad’s advice too), I think that the name Keri is no longer in the running. I am very sorry to have to tell this to you. But, I still love you! =)

15. What have you gained/learned from this experience?

The most important thing that I have learned is that having a strong marriage is critical for this process. It has been amazing to see how strong Matt has been for me at those times that I truly needed him to be strong. I have realized through all of this how thankful I am that God sent me such an amazing guy. I also have learned that it’s important to be knowledgeable in the “infertility lingo” so that you feel empowered and not clueless. Finally, I have been totally humbled by the fact that God is in control and He has a plan for us, now it’s our job to sit back and wait for his plan to unfold.

Matt - A new understanding of my wife. I always thought that she was anxious about everything and the she just needed to calm down a little bit. That may be true in some cases, but I can now understand why she feels like that about infertility and our situation (and the fact that PCOS causes anxiousness). It is frustrating and nerve-racking because we don't know what the future holds on with this. I can understand why she was so anxious about this much longer ago than myself because I didn't know near what I know now. Also, I always knew that she loved children and I knew she would be a great mother, but now I can only imagine the mom she is going to be once we are finally blessed with a child. We have worked so hard for this that she is going to treat our child(ren) like royalty, and not just because they are Kings. I have also learned that we have some really true friends around us that are always there to listen and support us in our situation. Lastly, I have come to realize that I can't wait to be a father and that I want to be one so bad. Yea, I always felt like I would be a good dad and that I wanted to be a dad sometime, but I have never wanted that opportunity more than now. The actual last one, this really isn't something that I have learned or gained but more reaffirmed, is that everything is in God's hands and He has a plan for us. He knows what is best for us and that may be hard for us to understand at times, but in the end everything always seems to make sense if you just believe and trust in Him.


TiNy DaNcEr said...

What a great blog! You guys rock and are truly amazing people! My prayers are with you!

MysteriousMindy said...

Thanks so much for answering our questions... my husband and I are starting our fertility treatment journey in September and it's nice to read your blog and know what to expect. You're welcome to follow our journey if you wish...

Jane Schaefer said...

Bailey and Matt, I read through your blog with tears in my eyes. You are a brave couple to be so open and honest in your writing. I also trust that God has a plan for all of us and that you will be parents someday...soon... I hope. Keep the faith and God bless you!

Hoping for our own Peanut said...

great post. :)

i love the last answers. i am still floored when i think how much closer and stable tom and i are as a couple, after going through infertility.

Amber said...

what a great list of Q & A..I did the same thing but except with adoption:)