December 1, 2010

Coming to the end...

I feel the days of this pregnancy drawing near an end. I am thrilled beyond words to know that we will be meeting this little girl so soon, but, I have an ache in my heart knowing that it will soon all be over.

I have loved nearly every moment of this pregnancy. I have loved feeling every kick and roll that this baby girl has made. It may sound a little selfish, but I love the fact that I am the only one who has been able to truly connect with her, and care for her up to this point. I will miss her morning kicks and flops telling me that it is time to get up. I will miss watching Matt’s eyes light up as he watches my belly shake from across the room as she goes crazy and does another gymnastics routine.

I am also going to miss all of the stares and glances that strangers give my belly as they pass by and can notice the unmistakable child growing inside my stomach. I love that she is with me 24 hours a day, every day, and that I don’t have to pass her off to anyone or share any of the special moments that only her and I have had together so far.

I think another thought not far from the front of my mind is the worry that this may be my last few days of ever having the awesome experience of carrying a child. I worry that another year or two older, and the possibility of not having any infertility insurance or enough money to pay for treatments on our own, may hamper our ability to be able to conceive again. I realize that we were incredibly blessed to get pregnant this time, and I truly shouldn’t worry about the “next time”, but I do worry. I worry that I will never get to have this inexpressible experience again. I know I may sound nuts, but I truly can’t wait to do this all over again.

So, for the last few days of this pregnancy, I will try my hardest to sit back and enjoy every second of this baby girl that I can, knowing that the end is coming all too soon.

1 comment:

Keri Ewald said...

I know exactly how you are feeling. I believe we are due the same day and as my days of pregnancy come to and end...Its like a bitter sweet feeling. I LOVE being pregnant but can't wait to meet my baby. I pray this isn't the last pregnancy for you. Can't wait to meet your baby girl!