March 23, 2010
A big day in the making
Tomorrow is a big day for Matt and I. We will find out if these extra nights of shots have given us big enough follicles to continue on with this cycle, and a chance this month. If they haven't grown (or have disappeared, like a few of my friend's had happen this past week) then our cycle will be canceled. If we are canceled we are officially onto our very last chance at a biological child through IVF. Our very last chance.
I can't believe what a big day tomorrow will be for us. It is so scary to realize how close we truly are to the end of our road.
On a brighter note, I'm trying to remain hopeful. I know God has great plans for us. I know that I'm having lots of pain and hopefully that means great eggs are growing. But now I'm worried. Last night I had the flu, and now I'm worried that that will somehow mess up the beautiful follicles that we saw yesterday.
It is so frustrating how much this path of infertility has caused anxiety to grow in my heart over every little thing. For example, last week was my best friend's wedding, I planned on getting a spray tan (with ALL of the other 7 bridesmaids) and of course that wasn't allowed, "because the chemicals in the spray haven't been tested and could cause birth defects, would you be okay knowing you caused that?" Oh yeah, I wouldn't mind at all. Of course I wouldn't be ok. So once again, infertility threw a wrench in another plan. I can't tell you how many events we have skipped because of infertility appointments, shots, or the "we'll be pregnant by then" thoughts. I'm so done with infertility running my life, my thoughts, and my worries.
But I guess we'll be done with that all soon, because surely this is our month. =) Fingers crossed and prayers being said for at least one 18mm follicle tomorrow, maybe we'll even have two ready! =)