October 17, 2009

Anticipation of an Infertile

Anticipation of an Infertile

There are days that I am fairly certain that I may die at any moment from “anticipationitis”. I am constantly anxiously anticipating something, the next pill, shot, or appointment. My. Mind. Is. Never. Still. It’s hard to escape the desire in my heart to have children. It is this desire that drives me to push onward with treatments, and tests, and anticipation of…

The day that we can begin the next round of medicines
Watching the syringe fill with liquid
Feeling the needle penetrate my skin
Waiting for an email response from my principal asking to leave early so
that I can make an appointment
Feeling the twinges that let me know that everything is “working”
Seeing the fully grown eggs on the ultrasound screen
Hearing the nurse tell us that everything looks great
Having my blood drawn and waiting to see how many sticks it will take today
The phone call from our nurse
The exact hour that I get the final trigger shot
The exact 36 hour wait before the IUI
The 20,160 minutes that will pass until we can find out if we are pregnant
Telling our parents… for the 2nd time, that we are pregnant
The 6th week and the first ultrasound to hear the heartbeat and to find out
how many car seats we will need to start saving for
Holding our breaths for that magical 13th week “safety net”
Telling our friends and coworkers that we are finally going to be parents
Finding out the gender(s) at week 20
Finally not being a guest at someone else’s baby shower
Sitting through childbirth classes with Matt by my side
Experiencing labor and all the glory that comes with it
Holding our precious, beautiful, so badly wanted and waited for babies!!!

So I guess I’ll sit back and anxiously anticipate the magical moments that will be coming.

1 comment:

lowfatlady said...

Great entry. I feel like I am the same way. Always waiting for something. Waiting stinks.