December 17, 2009
My 26th Birthday... save me!
Today is my 26th Birthday. I should be elated. I'm not. Now before you judge me, I know some people consider 26 to be so young. I would on a normal year too, but not this year.
This year I'm turning 26 without the one thing I wanted most for this birthday. A baby, or at least I hoped to be growing a baby. It may seem ridiculous to not be happy on my birthday, but really, why do I have to try and fake what I'm not. I'm kind of over faking things lately, if you haven't noticed.
I refuse to fake being ok anymore. If you ask how I am, and I'm not ok that day, I'm going to say "I've been better". If you tell me your pregnant and I cry, it's because it hurts, badly, not because I'm angry at you, but I won't be fake, instead I'll just need some time.
Don't get me wrong, I am thankful for what I do have: an amazing husband, a phenomenal family, a supportive and awesome group of friends, a great job, a nice house, two sweet little kitties who act JUST like children, and ever growing faith.
But the hole in my heart for a child is still there, and it stings, even on this day, my birthday. It's hard to believe that I'm 26 and childless.