December 28, 2008

what would you write?

The weekend before Christmas I had one of my grad classes, it's a class that is about teaching writing, but also centers a lot around us as writers ourselves. One of our teachers told us to get out our paper, and then to listen as she read our writing assignment aloud to us. The basic assignment revolved around us writing a letter to someone that was on our "top people in our lives that have influenced us" list that we had made back in August, except... there was a catch! We had to write something in the letter (which, by the way, we were told that we never had to send it if we didn't want to) telling the person something that we had never told them before.

I immediately knew who I wanted/needed to write to. I had been feeling guilty since I started this writing class in August for not having written about this person yet. I got out my favorite bright pink pen and began...with tears streaming down my face here is my letter, to the woman I miss almost every day still.

Dear Grandma,
I think about you often. I miss you. I miss hearing you call me "Bail." I miss everything about you. Your beautiful wrinkly hands, the rollers in your beautiful silver and white hair. I mostly just miss you.
I wish you would have known that you mean the world to me. I wish I would have said more to you at Mayo. I wish I could have hugged you on my wedding day and danced at our reception.
I wish you could see how happy I am now. I wish you could see how much I love being a wife... just like you told me in your last breath "I know you'll be a good wife."
I know you know these things now, because I know you're still around me, but I still wish I could see you and talk to you.
You were the most amazing Grandma that I'll ever know.
I loved "baking" no-bake chocolate oatmeal drop cookies with you. I haven't made them since you've been gone.
I loved taking lunch out to Dad and Grandpa in the field with you. My favorite lunch to take was beef stew, I loved finding the bone and feeding it to the dog.
I'll never forget the last month or so with you. You were so scared and lonely, I could see it in your eyes. It was so scary being by your side, but I knew you needed it, and so did I. Remember when I gave you a facial in the hospital bed? You felt so much better, and so did I.
Or how about the final ice cream party that you wanted in your hospital room. I'll never forget the plot to give you some ice cream as the nurses turned their backs, like we were really going to deny you some ice cream at your ice cream party?!
You couldn't speak, and could hardly write, but yet I knew you loved me and were quietly saying goodbye.
I love you Grandma.
Who will you write to? What will you write that you have never said before?

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